Think of it as foreplay for your wallet.
Talk to real humans. Weird ones, but still humans.
Just a plain box… containing absolutely not a giant dildo.
More protection than half of you use in bed.
Dildos
Realistic, monstrous, glittery, demonic... Whatever you’re into, it’s about to go in you.
Disguised as soap. Used like a slut.
Remember when you said you were gonna “take care of yourself” this year? Yeah. You’re literally balls-deep in a mounted bottle that says Deep Cream. You did it, champ.
This thing should come with a warning and a bottle of Gatorade.
I didn’t even know I had muscles that could cramp like that. My legs are still shaking and I’m not even mad about it.
My partner is jealous of how much I love this toy. And honestly? Fair.
If I go missing for a few hours, check the bedroom drawer.
I bought it as a joke. Now I use it religiously.
This thing baptized me in pleasure. 10/10 would repent and do it again.
Rated X and Five Stars.
Actual reviews from people who underestimated us. Now they can’t shut up... or sit down.
This thing should come with a warning and a bottle of Gatorade.
I didn’t even know I had muscles that could cramp like that. My legs are still shaking and I’m not even mad about it.
My partner is jealous of how much I love this toy. And honestly? Fair.
If I go missing for a few hours, check the bedroom drawer.
I bought it as a joke. Now I use it religiously.
This thing baptized me in pleasure. 10/10 would repent and do it again.